I originally chose Pasadena Community College because I wanted to a) stay close to home to take care of my mother, who was recovering from cancer when I graduated high school, b) save money by living at home and completing my general ed requirements for under $50 per credit, and c) help my dad at his TV repair business. Achievements unlocked! Now that my mom is cancer free, I’ve finished my general ed requirements (with straight As!) and my dad has hired my uncle (in other words: he doesn’t need me anymore), I’m ready to move on.
See how each example immerses us in the author’s world? And note how their descriptions awaken the senses. So much more interesting than if the authors had simply said, for example, “the values that are important to me are connection, intimacy, family, and listening.” Instead, each author shows us. And I’m not by the way just advocating for “show, don’t tell,” because you’ll notice that both authors show AND tell. In the first example:
Side note: Actually, I guess it is kinda’ like talking about an ex, but instead of saying “He was awful because of X,” you’re framing it in a positive way, saying in effect, “It’s not his fault, I just realized I was looking for Y.” (And, hopefully, your reader will be like, “Ooh!! We have LOTS of Y at our school!”) And sometimes, let’s be honest, we didn’t know what we were looking for until we got the opposite.
Because of my focus on activism, I was impressed by Haverford’s Honor Code and the Plenary. These encourage students to acknowledge the importance of civic involvement, and inspire students to improve campus policy. This particularly appeals to me as a student who feels my voice is currently not heard at Biola University. I hope to contribute ideas on how the school can help students continue to feel part of the community and celebrated for their differences.
Paragraph 2: Explain why you chose your current school (the one you’re leaving) in the first place.
Obviously don’t copy these word-for-word
I believe, for example, in the freedom to express love for whomever one chooses. But on at least one occasion at Biola I’ve been reported to my resident director for displaying physical affection toward another girl and have been told I could risk expulsion if we were “caught” in the act. I also believe that one should be free to express her spiritual beliefs in any way she chooses. At Biola, however, students are required to attend a minimum of 30 chapel events, and must pay upwards of $300 if this requirement is not met. I’m also interested in a diversity of perspective, but faculty are required to teach through a Biblical lens, and over 90% of the students in my department (Anthropology) are seeking to do missionary work following graduation. Finally, I didn’t feel the Torrey Honors Program provided the kind of experiential learning environment I was looking for.
How to start a transfer essay: One efficient way to make a great first impression is to focus on establishing a few core values or, if you can, the essential part of you that is suffering in your current (school) situation.
What you’re trying to do here: In the opening paragraph you want to make an awesome first impression. And, given that first impressions are often established in the first 30 seconds and that this impression isn’t likely to change (even when, studies show, people are presented with facts that contradict their first impressions!) your first paragraph better be on point.
Offer specific reasons why you want to leave your current school.
By researching. A lot. This paragraph is basically a mini “Why us” essay, and you’ll want to include as many specifics as you can find. Click here for a list of resources. But you won’t find the content for this paragraph in your beautiful amazing brain. Why? Chances are you don’t KNOW yet what specific opportunities the school you’re hoping to transfer offers. So go find out.
Why? We need proof! Examples! Specifics! So in that example above the author first lets us know what she expected (hands on! experimentation! other food nerds!) before letting us know specifically what she found instead: theory instead of hands-on (boo) limited access to experimentation (aw) no other Transglutaminase nerds (I am sad).
Seven Essential steps for writing a transfer essay:
Here’s an example essay—and I’ll put tiny notes in bold and italics in between the paragraphs so you can remember what to look for.
I’m inspired to continue my work spreading nutritional information and resources to low-income communities like the one I was raised in and am committed to helping create not only a healthier future for my own family, but for the larger Latino community. I believe [insert school’s name] can help.
Heads-up: This is probably the most important part of the essay. Why? Essentially, you’re explaining to someone (a college) with whom you’d like to be in a relationship why your last relationship (with that other college) didn’t work out. In short, you need to talk crap about your ex but still be really nice about it.
The world is changing and these changes affect all spheres. What your parents and seniors taught you might not longer work. For example, learn hard, get good grades and you'll be admitted to college. Well, turns out this rule is also in the past. College admission committees are no longer looking for studious and obedient applicants. What matters is the personality that shines through the pages of your college essay, ability to think and to create, spatial intelligence and your personal opinion. Do you think you can nail this piece of writing? Check out 3 most common mistakes you might be making!
#1. Absence of creativity.
Your work should be unique. It has nothing to do with plagiarism. Making a simple essay saying how good you were at school and how hard you're going to work in college won't help to win a place. Essay writer, for example, never says anything about studying. He tells the story. Your own outstanding story.
Allow essay rewriter read your paper and make necessary changes. He will take the best parts of your work and turn them into a brilliant piece. As a result you get an ideal writing without staying awake the whole night.
#3. Being trivial.
Nothing is as bad for an essay as the very same words and the very same thoughts everyone repeats in their papers. How to avoid them? First, stop reading the website for essay help and templates. If someone has written and posted it on the Internet, there's a high chance it's already been copied to thousands of papers.
Why you never make it as good as an essay writer
Another advantage of essay writing service is moderate prices. You don't have to own Tesla company or invent Facebook to pay for the work. A proficient writer would perform the task flawlessly as he has done many times before. It's way better when someone with certain experience is writing an essay, not a person who's torn between leisure time and duty calling. Receive your paper in time, enclose it to your documents and sit until getting an email from college with good news!
Want to see an email confirming your admission? Then be smarter than copypasting someone's story or thought, especially if you don't share this attitude. The helping hand is always closer than you think. What can be better than to enjoy a readymade essay created personally for you?
#2. Time management failure.
How fast can you type 1 page? Probably, it takes you a bit more than 10 minutes. Then why sitting with one thought in the head "How do I write my essay?" if only 10 minutes required. Because it's a challenging task! You can't finish it overnight.
I appreciate that this essay is very straightforward. They get right to the point why they are at their current university, what they hope to study at UT, and how their goals evolved over time.
My decision to enroll at the University of North Texas was ill–informed. Initially, I believed that, far enough away from my family yet close enough to return home every few weeks, I could grow on my terms. This unfortunate decision was fostered by my perspective of academic environments and the “college life.” I believed a university education was something purely academic, never multifaceted. As someone who has never considered myself particularly school–spirited, I did not feel the need to be connected to any larger community. I viewed my transition to college simply as a stepping stone to the next chapter of my life, a means to an end and not something inherently valuable. I chose UNT by process of elimination. I wanted to attend a Texas public university, but not as close as San Marcos and Austin or even College Station or Houston. However, the more time I spent in Denton, the more I realized that there was a low ceiling for my potential to grow. I felt like a “big fish in a small pond” and my development, both intellectual and social, stalled. I have always aspired to something greater, something more challenging, something different. These aspirations, unfortunately, were not able to be experienced at UNT. My courses were stagnant, easy, “go with the flow”––the exact opposite of what I needed. Most students around me, even those within the Honors College, did not study for major exams or complete their assignments on time. It made me restless and uneasy. As time wore on, I concluded I was not finding the challenges I originally sought. I refused to settle into the mediocre routines around me and merely coast along with strong, yet hollow grades. The more I considered and explored my academic goals and future, the clearer it became that only the University of Texas offers the rigor and challenge that I seek. This fall, I visited the 40 Acres and immediately noticed a striking difference. Nearly every other student I came across wore burnt orangeI like this essay a lot because it shares a compelling story that frames where they’ve come from academically and professionally, where they currently are, and how UT can help them achieve their goals. They also discussed why they enrolled at the University of Houston, their home city, rather than pursuing UT-Austin’s Coordinated Admissions Program.
Although they changed their major from RTF to Journalism after arriving on campus, they secured a recent, highly prestigious internship at the CBS Morning Show in Manhattan. They are also involved with Texas Student Television, so there’s no doubt UT extending this student an offer pays dividends for the university.
Moody College of Communications Admitted Transfer 3.3 GPA
It’s a well-written response that no doubt helped their reviewer form a mental image of the student. It solicits empathy. Everyone can relate to the nervousness of being out of their element and receiving pleasant surprising news when they were otherwise doubtful.
Putting their poor calculus grade into context, articulating but not going overboard about their special circumstances, and demonstrating their fit for major undoubtedly played a major role in them gaining admission to UT.
The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application. You may also want to explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had that relate to your academic discipline. The statement of purpose is not meant to be a listing of accomplishments in high school or a record of your participation in school-related activities. Rather, this is your opportunity to address the admissions committee directly and to let us know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and other application information cannot convey.It’s a balanced essay that focuses equally on where they’re coming from and how UT can help them explore their interests and achieve their long-term goals. Any time a transfer applicant is coming from a four-year university, its important to discuss tastefully why they don’t feel their current university is a good fit. We worked for a while on striking the right tone.
Since they are applying to a non-STEM program with a 4.0, it isn’t necessary for this applicant to discuss their grades or relevant coursework. Despite having a high chance of gaining admission based on their grades, they leave little room for doubt by submitting a thoughtful essay that describes honestly their decision to attend UNT and why that isn’t working out.
I am currently enrolled as a first-year student at Collin College in Frisco, Texas, and I want to finish my studies at the University of Texas in Austin majoring in public relations.My decision to attend Collin stemmed from my mediocre grades in high school – I wanted a fresh start at a college close to home. Though I was accepted at a few well-ranked Texas public universities, I had higher aspirations. I felt that I could improve my grade point average while completing prerequisite courses transferable anywhere. I lived at home allowing me to save money, help my family, and continue working at my job.Due to my family’s dire financial situation, I initially wanted to pursue a degree in business and finance solely to be more financially secure and allow me the opportunity to raise my own family someday. I took several business-related classes in high school and college. My goal has always been to transfer to UT and earn a degree in finance. In preparation for transfer, I took Algebra, Pre-calculus, and Calculus 1 and 2. Math is not my strongest subject, and I found Pre-calculus and Calculus to be especially difficult. Despite joining a study group and meeting with the professor but, unfortunately, it wasn’t enough. My low math grades are not for lack of effort. At the time, I was taking care of my mother, a single parent, and coordinating her transfer to rehab for alcohol addiction. I became the head of household responsible for caring for my three younger sisters. I became a full-time student, employee, and house mom. Instead of getting discouraged by my setback in calculus, I saw it as an opportunity to grow and reconsider my future. I realized that if math isn’t my strong suit, I probably won’t enjoy a career in banking. I feel like many of my friends want to go to business school, but don’t actually enjoy the work or have the skills required to be a successful student. I felt that my decision to pursue finance came not from my own motivations, but pressures from friends, family, and society. I considered my strengths, and now I understand that I love communicating with people and solving problems. I’m the go-to person in my friend group when relationships end or problems happen at school, and I am used to handling family crises at home. I want to help solve problems on behalf of companies, and I feel that public relations is my perfect fit.I learned to communicate effectively at an early age. No matter what situation my family was going through, my sisters and other relatives considered my opinions and often put my suggestions into practice. My survival and quality of life depends on resolving conflicts for work, for my internship, and for relaying messages within a divided family. Recognizing my strength, I feel that public relations would be the perfect major for me. To gain firsthand experience and test my decision, I took on a Public Relations/Blogger Relations internship for Conscious Couture. Through reaching out to bloggers that have PR firms, I am reassured that I made the right decision and have truly found what I love. Also, I have previous professional experience as an executive assistant for Texas Family Fitness. I was constantly phoning clients, communicating with employees, setting up meetings, proposing new ideas, and managing conflict in the workplace. After doing research, I learned that UT has one of the best public relations departments and employs world-renowned faculty. I especially like the internship requirement and career placement resources. My goal is to begin with a major public relations firm and, ultimately, establish my own firm. If I decide to continue my studies after my bachelor’s, the LBJ School of Public Affairs seems like an appealing way to transition into government work.My decision to enroll at the University of North Texas was ill–informed. Initially, I believed that, far enough away from my family yet close enough to return home every few weeks, I could grow on my terms. This unfortunate decision was fostered by my perspective of academic environments and the “college life.” I believed a university education was something purely academic, never multifaceted. As someone who has never considered myself particularly school–spirited, I did not feel the need to be connected to any larger community. I viewed my transition to college simply as a stepping stone to the next chapter of my life, a means to an end and not something inherently valuable. I chose UNT by process of elimination. I wanted to attend a Texas public university, but not as close as San Marcos and Austin or even College Station or Houston. However, the more time I spent in Denton, the more I realized that there was a low ceiling for my potential to grow. I felt like a “big fish in a small pond” and my development, both intellectual and social, stalled. I have always aspired to something greater, something more challenging, something different. These aspirations, unfortunately, were not able to be experienced at UNT. My courses were stagnant, easy, “go with the flow”––the exact opposite of what I needed. Most students around me, even those within the Honors College, did not study for major exams or complete their assignments on time. It made me restless and uneasy. As time wore on, I concluded I was not finding the challenges I originally sought. I refused to settle into the mediocre routines around me and merely coast along with strong, yet hollow grades. The more I considered and explored my academic goals and future, the clearer it became that only the University of Texas offers the rigor and challenge that I seek. This fall, I visited the 40 Acres and immediately noticed a striking difference. Nearly every other student I came across wore burnt orangeI like this essay a lot because it shares a compelling story that frames where they’ve come from academically and professionally, where they currently are, and how UT can help them achieve their goals. They also discussed why they enrolled at the University of Houston, their home city, rather than pursuing UT-Austin’s Coordinated Admissions Program.
Commentary
It’s a balanced essay that focuses equally on where they’re coming from and how UT can help them explore their interests and achieve their long-term goals. Any time a transfer applicant is coming from a four-year university, its important to discuss tastefully why they don’t feel their current university is a good fit. We worked for a while on striking the right tone.
Like the previous example, this straightforward essay addresses all of the things that UT reviewers are looking for. They discuss the context and buyer’s remorse about attending an expensive private university, but they don’t dwell on it.
Instead, they focus on their strengths - pursuing a highly selective and well-paying internship and relevant social media/broadcasting examples. Since they had an influential mentor who also submitted a reference letter, their Essay A develops well their argument that they are prepared to succeed at UT-Austin.